Life status: Currently holding it together with one bobby pin.

When I started this blog, I decided to open up and share about many aspects of my life. This vulnerability has honestly changed me and has connected me with people I’ve known for a long time, and people I’ve never met on the other side of the world. Sharing pieces of my life, good and bad, helps me and others know that we are not alone.

Recently I mentioned that I am experiencing hair loss. Which, is so embarrassing. I really have been going back and forth about how much I am comfortable sharing. I am a 31 year old, single, female, and I am rapidly balding. Pain? Anxiety? Depression? Grief? All things that I know other people go through, and all things I’ve gotten comfortable being uncomfortable talking about.

This week I was diagnosed with androgenetic alopecia. Basically, my body is producing hormones that it shouldn’t be, which is causing my hair loss. Oh, this is also male pattern baldness. So, ya know. That’s cool.

Again, this is so embarrassing. I feel like it’s the first thing people can see when they look at me. So, to overcome my anxiety about it I decided to just open up and deal with it. It’s nothing I did wrong or anything I can control. My body is out of whack a bit (what else is new) and I need to do what I can to fix it.

So, how do they treat it? Well…. I am on prescription shampoo twice a week, and an over-the-counter shampoo and conditioner in between and have apply Rogaine every day. On top of that, I am taking a prescription that is ironically primarily used for congestive heart failure, which, is essentially what led to losing my dad. The universe can be a funny bitch, can’t she? The medication is an anti-androgen, so it should hopefully combat and level out my hormones and stop my hair from falling out. The medication is also a water pill (to get rid of the excess fluid building up around the heart and lungs in heart failure), as if I don’t pee all the time anyway. This is all a major lifestyle change for a girl who only washed her hair twice a week.

I don’t want to sound ungrateful. I know the diagnosis could have been much worse. I was tested for lupus, and many other things, and this is honestly the best case scenario. As much as I know that and remind myself that, it still sucks. This past year I’ve felt like the universe hasn’t had my back, and this is just reinforcing that feeling.

Like I said before, I’ve opened up and connected with other people on less than pleasant things before, so I’m going to be open about this as well. So, here are some very embarrassing photos of my balding head. I didn’t look good bald as a baby, which is why my parents hid my bald head with my brother’s Santa hat, so fingers crossed this treatment works!

Okay, now that I distracted you with a baby picture, here is my balding head.

Reason #1 I’m glad I don’t do a center part… so that I can hide this.

I need to strategically style and part my hair to hide my old man bald spot in the back.

Yup, here it is, in all it’s glory. Not parted, au naturale. VERY ATTRACTIVE. I know.

Again, very embarrassing. Side of my head. I need to part my hair very carefully.

Based on all of this, I’m in the market for cute hats if anyone has any recommendations.

I know this could be worse. And that people have much worse diagnoses and problems, but this does suck. A lot. I’m doing my best to stay positive and optimistic. If anyone else is going through this, don’t hesitate to reach out. You’re not alone.

-J

Please feel free to browse through my blog for other posts, or check out some articles I have written for Thought Catalog here.