#sorrynotsorry

I’ve come to realize that we live in such an apologetic world. In some ways. I know there are many ways in which the world is very unapologetic.

We tend to apologize for so many things, that really, we don’t have to be sorry for. I personally need AA (Apologizers Anonymous). I say sorry for being sorry. Always have, and hopefully, always won’t. (Oh, hi there anxiety!) It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now (even in therapy, it’s that much of a conscious problem for me). After talking to friends about this, I know I’m not alone.

Sometimes, we don’t even know why we are sorry. I feel like it’s a natural reaction to just say “Oh, I’m sorry”. For example, a lady was rude to me at Dunkin Donuts last week and I apologized to her. WHAT?! WHY?! She tried to cut in line because she felt high and mighty, she bumped me and spilled coffee on me, but I APOLOGIZED. Yes, I know, I shouldn’t have. But, I did. It happened before I could stop my mouth and I was so upset with myself for days after. (Okay, and clearly still am if I”m writing all this about it now, but it’s a good example!)

We get sick, we apologize for having to miss work or events with friends. Yes, it sucks, and we don’t want to. But, do we really have to be sorry? Do we have to feel guilty? We got sick. It happens to literally everyone. We shouldn’t feel that guilt. But, we do.

We are exhausted (physically, mentally, or emotionally) and cancel plans. We say sorry. Sorry for being tired? Or sorry for canceling? If you’re like me, it’s a mix of both but you really feel bad that you’re tired and can’t hang like you used to. Next time, just say “Hey, I apologize for cancelling on you, but tonight just isn’t going to work out”. Not, “I’m sorry I’m so exhausted from this long freaking week”. We shouldn’t be sorry for giving life our all and needing a break every now and again.

Here are some other examples of things we apologize for, and alternates (Disclaimer, I have heard these from friends and the internet, so I can’t take any credit. But, I try and keep them tucked away in my brain and call them out each time I apologize for absolutely no good reason.)

I am so sorry I’m late! Thank you for being patient and waiting for me!
This can be late to work, late for meeting a friend, getting a project to your boss/teacher late.

I’m sorry for being so emotional. Thank you for being so accepting of me and helpful.
We ALL have emotions. Some of us show them more than others. One thing I’ve been apologizing for a lot since losing my dad has been for my emotions. Hard days, days where I just need to sit and cry. I always apologize. But, there’s no need. Sometimes we just need a friend’s shoulder to cry on. And, we don’t need to be sorry for it.

Sorry for fucking up again. Thanks for being there to help me clean this mess up! And for not giving up on me!
If you’ve never made a mistake in your life, please message me and let me in on your secrets. If not, we’ve all been there and instead of apologizing, help a sista out.

Sorry for being so needy. Thank you for being a friend.
A true friend will be there. And you’ll be there for them. It’s life, and friendship. If you have to apologize to make it right, then maybeeeeeee they aren’t as good a friend as you thought?

Sorry for talking your ear off! Thank you for listening!
Again, we ALL need to vent. Does it really help? Scientifically? Not sure. I’m not a scientist. But, what I do know is that good bitching session does help me not want to kill someone!

Sorry that my house/desk/space is so messy! Thanks for being understanding of my organized chaos!
Mess happens. Life goes on. For me, when my mental health isn’t great (which is pretty frequent lately, and I’m working on it), my physical space represents that. I know I’ll feel better when I clean/organize, but it’s so hard to do when the depression is creeping up. So, don’t judge someone’s mess as them being a “slob”. It could be more than that.

I’m sorry that you’re angry/upset. I am sorry you feel that way. I am sorry that I did “XXXXX” to cause you to feel that/you went through that experience.
If you cause someone pain, don’t just say “sorry”. Apologize for what you may have done to cause their pain. If you’re sorry that something else happened, then that’s different. Be sorry that they went through that, not just that they are feeling that way.

Sorry for being me.
No response for that one. Never apologize for liking the things you like, or doing the things you do (first hand experience on this one, it doesn’t help you, and doesn’t help the person you’re apologizing to). Unless you are legitimately doing something terrible. But that’s a whole other conversation.

So, basically, moral of the story here, is to try and figure out why you are sorry. It’s such an easy word to say, but means more when we understand why we are sorry. And, to stop apologizing for things that we really don’t have to feel sorry about.

Next time I apologize to any of you for no good reason, you have full permission to call me out on my shit.

-J