It’s okay to feel lonely.

A lot of times, being lonely has negative connotation. Loneliness is defined as “a feeling of unhappiness about being socially isolated”. Being alone is often looked at as being sad and people usually have pity for you and make you feel worse than you should.

The introvert in me thrives off loneliness sometimes. Sitting at home, alone, in my sweatpants, eating take-out, drinking beer and watching trash TV. I’ve literally cancelled plans to stay home alone. Alone does not necessarily mean lonely to me.

I’ve been single for a few years, and have been living independently, alone, for most of that time. I’ve gone to work and left an empty house, and came home from work and no one was there. (Okay, my cat was, but…) I’ve dated, but haven’t had a constant person, or a serious relationship, in a long time. And that was all by choice. I wanted to know myself. I wanted to create my independence. I wanted to be sure that I could take care of and like myself before inviting someone into my life.

But recently, I felt a feeling I haven’t felt in a long time.

I feel lonely.

Not necessarily that I need a boyfriend. Because I definitely have shown myself that I don’t need a man to succeed. Not that I’m going to settle for the next guy to smile at me. But, I’m at an age where a lot of my friends are in serious relationships and getting married, and it has me realizing that I actually do want that. (Honestly, a terrifying realization.) I see my siblings in their marriages, having their lives, and realizing that as close as we are, they don’t have the time for me that they used to.

There is a piece of me that having a partner will fill. I’m not looking for “my better half”, or anything like that. I’m looking for someone to share my life. To cook dinner, to grab brunch and catch an Eagles game. Someone to be there for the good days, and the not so good days.

Loneliness isn’t making me sad. It’s actually a good feeling. It’s one I haven’t felt in a long time. Loneliness means growth. Acceptance. It means I’m recognizing what is good for me, and what I deserve. It means that I am at a place in my life I haven’t been in a very long time. A place where I am able to fully allow someone in.

Again, this doesn’t mean I’m going to settle for the next guy who talks to me. I’m not desperate. In fact, I’m far from it. I’m trying to enjoy all seasons of my life, and this one of them. (As much as I joke that I hate it, and give up, and am going to just get a few more cats and call it a day.)

I’m going to be so picky. I’m going to date. I’m going to have my heart hurt. But, I’m going to find the right person for me. Not the perfect person, because perfect doesn’t exist. I’m going to be lonely until I find what is best for me.

Being lonely is forcing me back to old habits that I got away from. I’m back to dating myself. I’m trying not to focus on finding someone. I’m going to let someone find me. I’m going by myself to get dinner or a beer. I’m going to go out Sunday for coffee alone, and then to the bar for a beer and to watch the Phillies play. I’m not going to stay at home because no one is around to go with me. I’m not going to wish I had more friends. I have enough friends. They are just busy.

Yes, being lonely does suck. There is no denying that. As much as I am enjoying this time, I’m only human. I see my friends in their relationships. My friends who aren’t hanging out with me because they are with their boyfriends, girlfriends, fiancés or spouses. There’s times I throw myself a little pity party about it. Times I pull up the online dating apps hoping for a match. But, after a brief moment of weakness, I remind myself that I’m a badass woman who doesn’t need a man. I don’t want to meet someone at a time of weakness. I want to meet someone when I am feeling my best and most confident about where I’m at in my life.

Feel lonely, because it mean’s you’re feeling, and that’s what is most important.

-J

Adventure Awaits…. Kind of

Recently a co-worker asked if I had ever taken a Myers-Briggs type personality test, and it had been years since I have. I never really thought much about it, but when he asked, my curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a test and learn a little about myself. I did a few minutes of googling and  decided to use https://www.16personalities.com/ .

When I first saw my answer, I was definitely surprised a bit, and even thought I had maybe messed up a bit (wouldn’t be surprising, to be honest).

I am classified as “The Adventurer”

Uhhh…. Excuse me? Adventurer? Sure, I skydive, but that’s a bit more stupidity rather than adventure. But, the more I read about it, the more I realized that I did fit the description. And, I learned a lot about myself in the process.

This breaks down to ISFP – T. 56% Introverted, 55% Observant, 89% Feeling, 51% Prospecting, and 92% Turbulent.

Here is a little bit about what each of that means (from http://www.16personalities.com):

• Introverted individuals prefer solitary activities and get exhausted by social interaction. They tend to be quite sensitive to external stimulation (e.g. sound, sight or smell) in general.
• Observant individuals are highly practical, pragmatic and down-to-earth. They tend to have strong habits and focus on what is happening or has already happened. 
• Feeling individuals are sensitive and emotionally expressive. They are more empathic and less competitive than Thinking types, and focus on social harmony and cooperation.
• Prospecting individuals are very good at improvising and spotting opportunities. They tend to be flexible, relaxed nonconformists who prefer keeping their options open. 
• Turbulent individuals are self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are likely to experience a wide range of emotions and to be success-driven, perfectionistic and eager to improve.

The website is cool, and breaks down your personality into different aspects of life. I thought it would be fun to give a little info about mine, and how I can actually correlate it into my real life.

Introduction

They start off by giving an overview of what The Adventurer is. This quote had me convinced:

Adventurers always know just the compliment to soften a heart that’s getting ready to call their risks irresponsible or reckless. (www.16personalities.com)

They describe the Adventurer as someone who is happy to be who they are, but also someone who enjoys reinventing who they are. I recently learned I love to keep learning, growing, and evolving the more I become comfortable with who I am. I’m learning to enjoy being comfortable being uncomfortable. This helps to create a sense of spontaneity, which makes Adventurers appear to be unpredictable. Adventurers are known to be introverts, and while enjoying time with those closest to them, definitely need take a step back to recharge alone. Adventurers are known to use their alone time not just for recharging, but for thinking about who they are, bringing them back to their circle slightly different than before. An Adventurer is obviously known for risky sports (like skydiving), so, I know 100% that is me. Adventurers are also known to be sensitive to other people’s feelings, and I know for sure that I am (for better or worse). Adventurers also struggle planning for the future in practical ways (retirement, assets, etc.), but plan in a way to build a sense of identity and experiences, and that is definitely me. Again, always learning growing, and evolving. Like a Pokemon. Adventurers are also known to be selfless people, and people often tell me this is a quality I possess and utilize frequently.

Strengths and Weaknesses

There is a whole list of strengths and weaknesses, but here are what I feel relate most to my life

Strengths:

• Sensitive to others: I know for sure this is a strength of mine. I love to help others and be there for them. I feel I can easily relate to their emotions, and am able to communicate in a way that can help in almost any situation.
• Passionate: When I find something I like, I enjoy it, love it, and make sure everyone knows my excitement (good and bad). For example: Philadelphia Eagles.
• Imaginative and artistic: I don’t know how many people know this, but I went to school for Marketing Management, Graphic Design and Entrepreneurship. I really enjoy being creative. Example: This blog.
• Curious: I love learning. New facts, new people, new ideas. All of it. I recently love learning about myself, and discovering new strengths I didn’t even know I had.

Weaknesses:

• Fiercely independent: 100%. I would much rather provide help to someone than ask for it. With my car accident last May, my dad passing away, my fibro flare ups, and my shoulder injury, one would think I’d take people up on their offers to help me out, but, I don’t. It’s probably somewhat of a pride thing, but I also am way too independent for my own good sometimes. One of my best friends (the only person I knew when I moved to Phoenxiville) keeps offering to drop off dinner, but, since I hate admitting and taking help, there’s nights I just have some cereal for dinner.
• Easily Stressed: Again, 100%. Part of this ties to my fierce independence and being so sensitive to others. I hate to disappoint as much as I hate to ask for help. I tend to let stress overtake me sometimes, causing me to pull back and shut down.
• Fluctuating Self-Esteem: I care a lot about what people think about me, and definitely let that influence the way I see myself. I also compare myself to others, causing some low self-esteem. It’s a constant work in progress, but, I’m getting there.

Romantic Relationships

LOL.

Anyone who really knows me, knows that this has always been a humorous topic in my life. I’ve been single for a while, and like to joke about it (hello, coping mechanism)

Back to being fiercely independent, romantic relationships have always been a struggle for me. It’s hard for me to let someone into my life in that way. The website says that Adventurers are often difficult to get to know, and I feel like I am. I guard my core, and really value who I allow to really get to know me. (Sure, I’ll open up on here, but deep down, I struggle really letting someone in). I definitely prefer to listen and learn about someone, than to express my thoughts and feelings, which is another trait of the Adventurer. Although this seems like a negative, if an Adventurer is accepted for who they are, we can tend to be warm, enthusiastic partners.

Adventurers are known to surprise their partners in little ways, and I feel in the past this is something I have really enjoyed doing. I like to let my partner know how much I care for them and appreciate them, and I like to do so with small gestures. This can be getting a six pack of their favorite beer, ordering something they like for dinner, or suggesting we watch their favorite movie.

On the flip side of that, Adventurers appreciate knowing they are appreciated. I love to do things selflessly, just to make others happy. But in a romantic relationship, I need to hear every now and then that I am appreciated. It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture, and don’t want it done for me because my partner feels they owe me anything in return for what I have done. But once in a while, just a “hey, thanks for being you”, is all it takes.

Friendships

Adventurers are known to be laid back and “go with the flow” type people. So when I say “I really don’t care what we do”… I really, honestly, genuinely don’t. If I do, I will tell you. Similar to romantic relationships, I value actions over words in friendships too. For example, a friend recently got me a small leprechaun plant because she knows St. Paddy’s day is coming up and it’s going to be a tough time for me, so she wanted to do something to show me she cares. When I’m with friends who are supportive and who I can trust, I definitely find myself opening up more, and letting go of some of my insecurities. I find myself having more self-esteem, and less stress. I also really appreciate my friends who respect my personal space, and understand that when I need alone time, it’s nothing personal against them, but what I need to be the best friend I can.

Career Paths

This is an interesting one for me. www.16personalities.com says “Adventurers crave a tangible outlet for their imagination, a chance to express themselves artistically”. I feel like I am doing this with my blog, although, I don’t make any money off of it.

My job, my career, right now is working in IT. I do get to learn and help build an EHR, and I really enjoy it. I feel like I do get to use enough creativity to feel fulfilled while doing something that gets to help people who really need help. I get to learn new skills and technology while helping to develop new ideas.

Adventurers are also said to dislike being bored at their job, and don’t like to do the same thing day after day. I am very lucky with my job that every day I am walking into something different (although some days it’s a problem, but hey, you get where I’m going) and I never, ever, feel bored.

Conclusion

Okay, so in conclusion here, I learned that I am definitely an Adventurer personality type. (Kudos to you if you read this much). I’m down to earth, but also extremely curious. I’m sensitive and always willing to improvise and compromise. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or managing my workload, I always put in a conscious effort to develop and work on my weaknesses and always strive to learn and develop additional skills.

I’m excited to keep learning and growing, and can’t wait to see where this Adventurous personality takes me!

Take the test and let me know what personality type you are and if you feel it’s accurate!

Thanks for reading. Until next time!

-J